who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize