hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
