True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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