WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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