i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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