I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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