My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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