don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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