Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
