Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
there is glitter all over my balls
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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