i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize