in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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