please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
