When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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