Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
