Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
