it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Text me some of your sweat
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