just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
