so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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