The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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