please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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