I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
