i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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