so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
