please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
