Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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