2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
