put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
