how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
