Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize