Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
