Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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