she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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