Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
