Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
