There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
