but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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