There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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