i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
