When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
