I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
