SEEEEXXX PLEASE
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
