i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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