i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
