youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
