i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
