Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
