i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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