And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
