I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
