There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
