So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
