CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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