His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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