i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize