at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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