OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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