sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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