I'm so fucking centered right now
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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