my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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