YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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