Just fell off a train. Bad.
i think my mom watched the whole time
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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