im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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